475 things to do when you're bored. Wax the ceiling Rearrange political campaign signs Sharpen your teeth Play Houdini with one of your siblings Braid your dog's hair Clean and polish your belly button Water your dog...see if he grows Wash a tree Knight yourself Name your child Edsel Scare Stephen King Give your cat a mohawk Purr Mow your carpet Play Pat Boone records backwards Vacuum your lawn Sleep on a bed of nails DON'T toss and turn Boil ice cream Run around in squares Think of quadruple entendres Speak in acronyms Have your pillow X-rayed Drink straight shots...of water Calmly have a nervous breakdown Give your goldfish a perm Fly a brick Play tag...on West 35th Street Exorcise a ghost Exercise a ghost Be blue Be red But don't be orange Plant a shoe Sweat Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil Turn Write a letter to Plato Mail it Take your sofa for a walk Start Stop Dial 911 and breathe heavily Go to a funeral...tell jokes Play the piano...with mittens on Scheme Sit Stay Water your family room Cause a power failure Roll over Play dead Find a witch Burn her Donate your brother's body to science Ask why - Wriggle Regress Sleepwalk without sleeping Try to join Hell's Angels by mail Wonder Be a square root Ask stupid questions Weld your car doors shut Spew Vacation at Three-Mile Island Surf Ohio Teach your pet rock to play dead Go bowling for small game Be a monk...for a day Wear a sweatband to your wedding Staple Run away Intimidate a piece of chalk Abuse the plumbing Bend a florescent light Bend a brick Annoy total strangers Let the best man win Believe in Santa Claus Throw marshmallows against the wall Hold an ice cube as long as possible Adopt strange mannerisms Blow up a balloon until it pops Sing soft and sweet and clear Sing loud and sour and gravely Open everything Balance a pencil on your nose Pour milk in your shoes Write graffiti under the rug Embarrass yourself Grind your teeth Chew ice Count your belly button Sit in a row Stack crumbs Gesture Save your toenail clippings Make a pass at your blender Punt Make up words that start with X Make oatmeal in the bathtub Search for the Lost Chord Chew on a sofa cushion Sing a duet Balance a pillow on your head Hold your breath Faint Stretch Flash your mailman Teach your TA English Learn to speak Farsi Swear in Russian Use an eraser until it goes away - Disassemble your car Put it together inside out Record your walls Interview your feet Make a list of your favorite fungi Sell formaldehyde Repeat Ad lib Fade File your teeth - Whine Rake your carpet Re-elect Richard Nixon Critique "Three's Company" Listen to a painting Play with matches Buff your cat Race ferrets Paint your house...Day-Glow Orange Have a formal dinner at White Castle Read Homer in the original Greek Learn Greek Change your mind Change it back Watch the sun...see if it moves Build a pyramid Stand on your head Stand on someone else's head Spit shine your Nikes See how long you can stay awake See how long you can sleep Paint your teeth Wear a salad Speak with a forked tongue Paint stripes on a lake Ski Kansas Sleep in freefall Kill a Joule Test thin ice...with a pogo stick Apply for a unicorn hunting license Do a good job Crawl Invite the Mansons over for dinner Paint your windows Watch a watch until it stops Flash your goldfish Paint Flirt with an evergreen Smile Rotate your garden...daily Paint a smile Shoot a fire hydrant Apologize to it Pretend you're blind Annoy yourself Get mad at yourself Stop speaking to yourself Be a side effect Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley - Duck Redecorate...your garage Develop a complex Join the Army...be someone simple Try harder Hit the deck Put leg-warmers on your furniture Cut the deck Crumple Translate Shakespeare into English Skydive to church Cheer up a potato Do aerobic exercises...in your head Play cards with your swimming pool Pinstripe your driveway Play Kick the Fire Hydrant Harness chipmunk power Build a house with ice cubes Call London for a cab Mug a stop sign Change your name...daily Go for a walk in your attic Challenge your neighbor to a duel Build a house out of toothpicks Howl Wear a lampshade on your head Memorize the dictionary Stomp grapes in the bathtub Find a bug and chase it Make yourself a pair of wings Be immobile Dance 'til you drop Check under chairs for chewing gum Squish a loaf of bread Moo Bounce a potato Outmaneuver your shadow Climb the walls Appreciate everything Challenge yourself to a duel Make napalm Tattoo your dresser Watch a bowling ball Buy some diapers Eat everything Begin Pour milk in the sink Make cottage cheese Tie-dye your sheets Carpet your ceiling Hold your earlobes Fold your earlobes Flap Squawk Read tea leaves Analyze the Koran Be Buddha Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize - Plug in the cat Turn on everything Drop pebbles down the chimney Turn off your neighbor Kill a plant Buy a 1931 Almanac Memorize the weather section Think lewd thoughts about yourself Blow bubbles Send chills down your spine Peel grapes Make paper from the skins Bloat Catch them with your radiator Get run over by a train of thought Make up famous sayings Bite your pinkie - Get your dog braces Shave a shrub Have a proton fight Watch a car rust Quiver Rotate your carpet Learn to type...with your toes Set up your Christmas tree in April Be someone special Buy the Brooklyn Bridge Mail it to a friend Go back to square one Factor your social security number Take the fifth Memorize a series of random numbers Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages Join the Foreign Legion Learn Sanskrit Exist...existentially, of course Print counterfeit Confederate money Kick a cabbage Take a picture Put it back Sandpaper a mushroom Play solitaire...for cash Abuse your patio furniture Run for Pope Count to a million...fast Make a schematic drawing...of a rock Commit seppuku...with a paper knife Revert Think shallow thoughts Starch your shoes Polish your Calvin's Contemplate a cockroach Get a dog to chase your car Let him catch it Investigate the Czar Form a political party Climb a sidewalk Have a political party Get diagonal...with a good friend - Ride a loaf of bread Sharpen a carrot Interrogate a gerbil Go bow hunting for Toyotas Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids Jump back Play to lose Scalp a street light Have your car painted...plaid Read a tomato Sharpen your sleeping skills Watch a game show...take notes Put out a fire If you can't find a fire, make one Interview a cloud Play tiddlywinks...go for blood Play basketball...in a minefield Don't talk to things Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling Have your cat bronzed Have your gerbil gilded Write books about writing books Create random equations Mispell words Tell your feet a joke Throw a tomato into a fan Sing the ABC song backwards Pretend you're a dog Dial-a-prayer and argue with it Grease the doorknobs String up a room Stack furniture Relive fond memories Tie your shoelaces together Gargle Count your teeth with your tongue Decay Find your half-life Design a better toilet seat Shred a newspaper Have a headache Scratch Sniff Hatch an egg Play air guitar Act profound Spill Spell Stare Truncate Slouch Develop hearing problems Put your feet behind your head Tie bows in everything Hold your hand Watch the minute hand move Grow your fingernails Pretend you're a telephone - Ring Radiate Skip Play hopscotch...with real scotch Clock the velocity of your REMs Put your shoes on the opposite feet Cross your toes Roll your tongue Crystallize Baby oil the floor Hide Attack innocent bunnies Declare war Destroy a tree Hide the scrabble bag Seduce your stick shift Wink Memorize the periodic table Mummify Pretend you're a roadie Buy a Ginsu knife Collect electrons Correct typos that aren't there Polish your neck...use Pledge Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet Count the bags under Walter Mondale's eyes Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk") Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before Walk on water...but don't get caught Confess to a crime...that didn't happen Be in the wrong place at the right time Plot the overthrow of your local School Board Request covert assistance from the CIA Discover the source of the Mississippi Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is Drink as much prune juice as you can Write a book about your previous life Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres Jump up and down...on your alarm clock Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in a marshmallow Drive the speed limit...in your garage Sing the national anthem...during your calculus final Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna Pay off the national debt...with a bad check Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas - Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes - Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster - See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement - Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English - Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good - job they're doing...On April 1st - Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor - Take apart all your major kitchen appliances...mix and match them - Turn your TV picture tube upside down - Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy - Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets - Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks - Be planar...but don't tell your parents - Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck - Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed - Put instant concrete in your big brother's waterbed - Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese - Debate politics with a fern - See how small you can scrunch your face - Sell firewood door to door...in Atlantis - Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization) - Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation - Raise professional certified racing turnips - Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation - Lead an aerobics class...for patients of the I.C.U. - Go to a drive-in movie in a tank - Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway - Send President Reagan an alarm clock...wind it up first - Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch - Send your goldfish to obedience school - Free the oppressed toasters of America - Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing - Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave - Park your car...with a friend - Park your car...with a group of friends - Frame your first statement of bankruptcy - Place it on the wall of your office - Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population...solve for x) - Contribute to the population problem - Wear a T-shirt that says "I'll walk on you to see The Who" and a peace sign - Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor - Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife - Get Ronco and K-tel to merge...they sell the same stuff anyway - Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night - Play with anything that looks interesting - Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first - See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water - Try to ignite water...the Mississippi might work - Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up - State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes") - Visit the Architecture building...loudly criticize its design - Make a schematic drawing...of a rock - Wallpaper your laundry room...with pages from books you don't like - See if diamonds really do cut glass...on everything in your neighbor's house - Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while - See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light...try green - Bronze your sister's turtle - See how long it takes for her to notice - See what she does when she notices - Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again. - Increase your territorial holdings by force - Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat - Boldly go where no man has gone before - Be a threat to the American way of life - Do research into the cause of World War III - Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life - Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Pittsburgh -Actually read this.